Behind The Scenes: A look into me :)

About a year ago a very special women to me noticed that I was in a really emotional slump. Things were not exactly going my way or the way I predicted them to go. So she suggested that I write 100 reasons of what makes me. I found it in my google drive just recently and its amazing how much my life has changed in only a year. So I have decided to re write it and show it to you here :). Let me know what you all think! I would love to hear about what makes you who you are. One Hundred Things (That Make Me: Me) By Briana Freeland Remember when you were a kid and your room was covered with your favorite things. You had posters on the walls of your favorite band, your bed was covered with your favorite colors, and your Ipod had all your favorite music. Your room expressed who you were by the things you love. The things you love make you who you are. They drive your passions and your passions drive your desire and your desire drives you decisions. When I think about what drives me I think about a lot of things. Take for instance I didn’t take the easy way out and write a simple list of 100 hundred things I love. Why?? Well because I love to see words play out in a story. I love how they fit together and paint a picture. I’ve recently started writing again. Playing with words on paper. I love to see the places you can go with your words. I think loving words so much leads me to my love of music. I know people say that they listen to music for the beat but I listen for the words. I love a song more if I can connect with the lyrics. Each song tells a story and holds feelings that really do exsist. Thats another reason why I love signing so much it is an expression of feelings and emotions in a different way. It is a beautiful language that uses expressions to mean what you are saying. It paints a picture with your words. And the amazing thing is when there are no more words to express what you are you are feeling it can all come out when you put the paint brush in the paint and lay it on the canvas. My most recent painting was one with crayons glued to the top and the melted like rain over a couple under an unbrella. It represents my dreams of having a love that is so strong even the rain can’t stop it. (I have painted a few more but they are still all on that one kiss in the rain. And this past year I have been able to reflect on what that really is. I always thought it was the action of just getting kissed in the rain. But really its the feeling of being with some one and wanting to kiss them so much the rain and nothing else matters.) I love people. It never matters if they do anything for me or if they even love me back. I just have an unconditional love for everyone I come in contact with. I think that comes with the realization that every one has a story. Everyone has pain in their past. Every has some one that has hurt them and things that have made them who they are. The bully doesn’t bully the kid because he likes to bully, there is more to his story. A story of a broken home or abuse or loss. So you never know and I think that's why I can look past every thing Jackie has done to me at work (The Pharmacy. She has been so hurt in her life. She lost her dad. She lost the churches love just because she was doing what she thought was right for her family. In my love for people I fell in love with Jackie. The night we spent around the bonfire at moriah I fell in love. We spilled everything that night. All of our deepest darkest secrets were put out on the table. We told each other everything. And the most amazing thing was when he knew all my faults and my mistakes and he still wanted me. Then it began to evolve from that into much more. We grew deep feelings for each other. And honestly I didn’t let go because my heart was over him or because I don’t still love him with all my heart, I let go because I know him. I know him sometimes better then he does. And I want him to be happy and that wasn’t with me. It never really was. He always had feeling for some other girl. So I will continue to love him unconditionally, but instead of showing it by the little things I have done over the years I will love him from a distance. Let him be happy. Eventually I believe I will be move on enough for me to be happy with some one else. But for now he is still a big part of who I am. (We were together for three years so he will always really be a part of who I am but I realize now that I was being made into the person that I am today so I could be prepared to be the wife I need to be for my future husband. I learned a lot from our relationship I am glad it happened but I am even happier that it is over. Because I found a love I didn't even know existed in a place I wasn't even looking.) I love the colors blue and green. They are bright and are natural colors. Blue like the sky and green like the grass. (Blue is still my favorite color and green happens to be that love's favorite color.) Which leads me to my love for the outdoors. I love being outside. Hiking, exploring, feeling the sun on your back and the wind in your hair. There is so much beauty in creation. The mountains and forests that paint this world do beautifully. (We actually just took a trip to Mt. Lemmon where we went hiking.)

I love to capture this beauty with pictures. The way a tree looks when you capture it in the wind and light just the right way. When you can catch a drop falling from the petals of a flower in the early morning. Kids. Gosh I feel like thats all I have to say. I love them. They are so innocent and shapeable. Just to think that I have the chance to entirely shape someones future is what moves me to become a teacher and to learn how to teach and shape a brighter future for this next generation. My passion for kids and my love for people is what pushes me so much in my relationship with God. I have such a hunger to see people free from the things that bind them. The sickness and the depression. I think sometimes this passion is good and sometimes its not. Sometimes I forget about my self and the things I need because I try so hard to make things better for everyone else. The one thing I’ve let be an escape for myself is reading. Its like going to another world. Being another person with other problems. And the best part of books and stories is usually their problems get resolved. That is the same for acting. I get to be someone else for just a little while. Someone who has confidence and other things I sometimes don’t have. Well I know this isn’t anywhere near 100 but I can’t really think of anything I love and makes me who I am. In a nutshell I love to create whether it be something like a poem or a painting or something different entirely like someones future. That’s who I am. I am a creator and a lover.