If I had a dairy

If I wrote in a journal everyday this would be today's entry:

Dear Diary,

I know that life can somtimes be tough and that people are never perfect, but my heart can't really take much more!

There are two men that I spend time thinking about. Both are very different people.

One is older. He is quite and shy. When I do get him to talk it is always wise words. He is handsome....so very handsome. His smile makes his eyes crinkle and I love it! His laugh gives me shivers. He shares in my kind and generous spirit, which makes me conclude we would work well together.

One is younger. He out going and loud. He raps and makes jokes all the time. He is so fun to be around and gosh darn it he is SOO cute! He just looks so cuddle able! We have even shared a kiss. A very very very good kiss. He pulled me in like he didn't want to let go and I play that moment in my head time and time again. Now every time I am with him its all I can think about! 

When I am around the older one I get tongue tide, he makes me so nervous. I find it hard to breath around him and heaven for bid if I try to look at him for more then 2 secs! I can barley look him in the eyes! And then there is the fact that he is with someone. And even though I have expressed my feelings towards him he continues to lie about it.

When I am around the younger one there is never a dull moment! We text consistently. There hasn't been a day gone by when I haven't spoken with him. And when I get the nerve to kiss him he kissed me back and hard! And even though we have shared that kiss and I have expressed my feelings towards him he continues to return to his ex girlfriend who has cheated on him and lives far away!

This makes me feel so BLAH. Like I am not good enough. Like I am being used and abused! And I hate it. Lately a lot of people in my life has made me feel like this. I am tired of doing everything for other people and never getting anything in return! It makes my heart hurt and tired.

I don't want to rush it, but I REALLY do want to find that someone I can spend the rest of my life with!

Sincerely

One lonely, single girl